As I sit here on a park bench at a local track, feeling the warm sunshine and the cool breeze, my heart can’t help but break over what our area is going through. Various places in our area are having … Continue reading
Holy Guacamole! To say that today was a true Monday would be an understatement. Don’t get me wrong… I am blessed beyond measure and I know that. I don’t for one second take for granted this crazy, beautiful life I live. But, if you’re a momma, I think you’ll understand what I’m about to throw down.
Being a mother is the job I have dreamed about since I was a little girl. Becoming a mother was absolutely the best day of my life. I will never forget looking into those sweet blue eyes and realizing that I would never be the same, that from that day forward my world was forever changed. I never knew I could love someone the way I love him. My whole outlook on life changed. I saw the world in a completely different way. It was beautiful.
But, you know, today wasn’t quite that beautiful. Today was one of those days when I questioned myself. I felt like a failure as a mother today. I know, I know, we all have those days… At least I hope so. I so hope that I’m not alone in this.
It started when I picked him up from daycare. He seemed to be enjoying a bright green Popsicle at the table… Until I walked in. Sometimes I feel as though his demeanor completely changes when I show up. He goes from happy to grumpy in about .2 seconds! On some days this reaction causes me to have the “working mother guilt.” I sometimes feel so guilty about leaving my sweet boy to be taken care of by someone else while I’m working. When he acts this way, I start feeling that it could only be my fault. Maybe he’s mad at me because I leave him and now he’s letting me have it. Maybe his little feelings are hurt because he feels that I pick work over him. All of these crazy things start flooding my mind as my boy is sitting in his car seat behind me on our car ride home.
We stopped at one of my dear friend’s house before we went home. As she and I are talking, one of her girls comes in saying the word “Freaking”. When her mother asked her where she heard that word, her sweet little voice said, “Corbin said it.” Yes, you guessed it… Corbin is mine. My sweet little boy taught this sweet little girl a not so sweet little word! I wanted to crawl in a hole… A very deep and large hole! I asked Corbin if he said it and he said, “I didn’t.” Of course he didn’t. This innocent little girl just pulled that word out of her back pocket. On the way home he finally told me that he did say that word. I asked him where he heard it from and he stated that he didn’t know. You see, my husband is a youth minister and Corbin spends a good amount of time with our teenagers. We love the teenagers with everything in us, but I’m pretty positive that he heard that word from one of them. Cue the guilt… Maybe we spend too much time with the youth group when we should be spending more time with just him. What kind of mother would allow her 3 year old to hear such a thing? Or maybe I don’t spend enough time with the youth and if I did, they would not be saying those words around a 3 year old. And on and on it goes.
As soon as we walk in the door, he starts throwing a fit because I won’t allow him to eat a Lunchable for dinner due to the fact that I’m going to cook. I send him straight to his room for being ugly and whining. Here it comes again… What a great way to start out our time together after I haven’t seen him in over 8 hours. Why is my kid so rotten to think that he should just get what he wants any time he wants it? What am I doing wrong as his mother?
Whew! What a bunch of guilt! What a bunch of beating myself up! What a bunch of questioning my skills as a mother! WHAT A BUNCH OF NONSENSE!
Maybe, just maybe, his demeanor changed when I showed up at daycare because he missed me and he felt comfortable letting those feelings out on me because he knows with everything in him that I’ll love him no matter what. Maybe, he said that bad word because he overheard that word and he’s 3 years old, not fully understanding it. He most likely overheard that word in a place where he sees his parents pouring their lives into others to bring them to the feet of Christ. Maybe, he threw that fit tonight because he thinks ham and cheese tastes much better than tortellini! Maybe, just maybe, he’s a toddler with a good momma who needs to give herself a break.
I am almost certain that if you’ve spent over 24 hours in this crazy ride called motherhood, you’ve at least questioned yourself a few times. It wasn’t long after I gave birth to Corbin that I was questioning myself about the choices I had made for breastfeeding, formula, and brand of diapers. I mean… Come on girls… BRAND OF DIAPERS?!?! Unless your child is allergic to a certain brand, I’m sure the brand of diapers you choose will not decide whether or not he will turn into a good man, if he will graduate college, of if he will love the Lord. We just need to take a deep breath and give ourselves a break. All of the guilt that I feel does not come from my Lord! All of that guilt comes from the one whose goal is to kill, steal, and destroy! He will not kill my joy that God has blessed me with through my baby! He will not steal my confidence and love of being that little boy’s momma! He will not destroy my freedom to just love him the best way I know how!
I write this blog not to tell you about my “failures” of today. I didn’t write this blog to just get it off my chest. I wrote this blog because I feel that there are sweet, beautiful mommas out there who need to give themselves grace today… To understand that we will undoubtedly make the wrong choices and deal with our momma guilt… But to rest in the fact that God has chosen us to be our babies’ momma. He has hand picked us for this job. Sweet momma, he has hand picked you for your children. It is most definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had, but it sure is the best one! Thank you Lord for this crazy, incredible, hard, and beautiful job!
For you are a people holy to the Lord your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession… Deuteronomy 14:2
Whew! 2014 was definitely a year that I will never forget! It was a year full of hope, heartache, and healing. A year for learning, growing, and thriving. A year full of new friendships, life long bonds, and friends becoming more like family. It was a year full of smiles, tears, and sleepless nights. A year of learning to follow God’s plan for you regardless of others opinions. A year full of emails, phone calls, texts, medications, doctors appointments, missed flights, and traveling. A year of countless ultrasounds, needle sticks, and pregnancy tests! A year to watch my sweet Corbin grow, learn, laugh, and love. A year full of realizing how incredibly supportive and protective my husband is of me. A year of seeing more and more examples of how a mother’s love and support never ends. A year of realizing that I am incredibly blessed to have 3 amazing parents and incredible family. A year of being amazed at how many people have gone before the throne of God in prayer for us. A year of trusting, having faith without borders, and believing that the answer of “no” is sometimes what is best for His plan.
I’ve learned that when God calls you to do something, you just do it… And even if it fails, that doesn’t mean that He didn’t call you to do it… It just means that the failure has a purpose, often a big purpose. I’ve learned that faith brings people together creating life long bonds. I’ve learned that God brings us the peace we need, the healing we need, and the strength to trust Him.
I’ve learned that if you fly Southwest, you must make sure to check in early or you will not have a seat, causing you to spend an unbelievable amount of time in an airport! I’ve learned too many things about hormones, pregnancy, and a woman’s body! I’ve learned that taking a psychological test has way too many questions to answer. I’ve learned that it should really be called the “terrible 3’s” instead of the “terrible 2’s”! I’ve learned not to trust Siri when you ask her to take you to the airport because she will take you to the runway! I’ve learned the theme song to “Jake and The Neverland Pirates” and I’m pretty sure we have sung it thousands of times!
2014 is a year that I will cherish forever. There are so memories that I will take with me for the rest of my life. Thank you if you were a part of this incredible chapter. Through the good, bad, and the ugly, I know that I am more than blessed! I serve a Mighty God who blesses us more than we could ever imagine! I’m excited to see what 2015 holds!
Whew! We made it… Lisa, JJ, my mom, and I made it through our 2nd embryo transfer! We know that so many of you have been on your knees and praying for us. Lisa and I both agree that we have definitely felt your prayers and for that we are truly thankful! We cannot express to you how much the love and support that we have received has brought us comfort, joy, and hope.
On Thursday, we had our embryo transfer done. That morning we woke up hopeful and ready. Before we left the house, my mom prayed over us with such a sweet and sincere prayer. We did not receive a call from the office that morning, which was great because that meant that the thawing process was successful and that one last embryo was doing exactly as it was supposed to. We received another sweet picture of the embryo. It’s amazing how you can just fall in love with a circle of cells. It’s incredible how you can hope for such an amazing future for a life that does not even slightly resemble a human yet.
After getting dressed in all of our gowns, suits, booties, and masks, Lisa, my sweet momma, and I marched into the transfer room. The doctor stated that she had great visibility and that the transfer went perfectly!
So now we are in what they call the “2 week wait”. We just have to sit back and wait for November 17th. I know that it is only 10 days away, but when you are praying for a positive blood pregnancy test it can seem like a lifetime! Like Lisa’s mom said today, “All of our prayers about this are the same”. We are praying that this sweet life will find a nice and cozy spot in my uterus. We are praying that he or she will grow into a healthy and beautiful baby. We are praying that this world will be changed forever because this sweet baby will be in it… That he or she will be a world changer.
On the way to the hospital, Lisa and I listened to one of our favorite songs. It’s called “Oceans” by Hillsong United. It is neat that God has used this song to bring both of us comfort and the strength to try this again, without either one of us knowing that the other was receiving it. Also, Lisa stated that her dad had sent her a text with some of the lyrics prior to the transfer. It’s just amazing to me how God can use just one song to draw people together for the same purpose! Some of the lyrics read:
You’ve called me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
Oceans deep, my faith will stand
You never fail and you won’t start now
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior
He had called us out upon the waters, the great unknown… Where our feet may fail. I know that we have found Him in the mystery and we are clinging tight to Him! He’s never failed and He won’t start now! My prayer is that we will trust Him without borders and that we will always choose to walk upon the waters, wherever He would lead us! He’s a great and mighty God whose plans we may never figure out on this side of Heaven. But, as we choose to just trust Him, He will make His presence known where our faith will be made stronger.
Will you please keep all of us in your prayers? Will you pray for a big fat positive next Monday? Will you pray that God will provide us with peace, calmness, and trust until then? Will you pray that the next 10 days will go by quicker than we imagined? Think sticky thoughts and pray big, my friends, while we are just sitting… And waiting… And thinking… And praying!
I am writing this blog tonight lying in bed, unable to sleep. It’s past 12am, so today is the big day! Today is transfer day! If you’ve been following our journey you know that this will be our 2nd and final transfer attempt with Lisa and JJ’s final embryo. We are in need for big prayers going up to a big God!
I’m not usually someone who finds it hard to fall asleep, but tonight is different. I’m not up because I’m worrying, I’m not up because I’m upset, I just can’t seem to stop asking God to perform a great and mighty miracle! I’m overcome with hope and yearning for Him to do an amazing thing today!
Words cannot express how much I have truly loved, cared for, prayed for, and hoped for Lisa and JJ. They have become such a joyful part of my life. We have not only had a great surrogacy relationship, but they have also become our friends. When you become so close to someone, I guess you can’t help but lose sleep over them!
Will you please join us in praying for this sweet, tiny embryo to grow into a beautiful, healthy baby? Will you pray that this sweet life will become a world changer? Will you pray that a great and mighty miracle will be performed by God tomorrow in Akron, Ohio? Our God is a God of miracles and we are clinging to that today!
Let me start this post out by saying that I am not passing any judgement here. I am a wretched sinner who has just had something on her mind. I am in no position to throw stones so I do not intend to pick one up and chunk it at you. As with everything I feel strongly about, God has already convicted and exhorted me in these very areas. As children of God we are called to be different. We are called to be a light in this dark world. We are to find joy in the moments of sadness. We are to find hope in the moments of hopelessness. We are to rejoice and be glad in it!
Lately, my heart has been so saddened by Christians’ posts on social media. In this blog I am not talking about cussing or posting inappropriate things, although that breaks my heart too… I am talking about the posts that are posted just to complain. As a daughter of God I am not to be a complainer, but a rejoicer. I am not asking anyone to be fake with their posts, but I am asking for us, as chosen children of God, to think about what we are posting before we post it.
It breaks my heart to see posts like, “My husband is getting on my nerves!” Agh. What???? Yes, there are times when my amazing husband gets on my nerves and I’m sure there a many times that I get on his. But, let’s think for a moment about the widow who just lost her husband of 60 years… or the woman who has been praying for years for God to bring her a husband with no sign of him… or the woman who has been left by a man that she dearly loves. Before we post things like, “My kids are driving me crazy!” Don’t we recognize that there are couples out there who have recently lost a child… a woman who struggles with infertility praying that God will allow her to have a child, still with empty arms… a father who just left the hospital where his child is fighting for his life. What about posts like, “I hate my job!” There are people who read our posts that are trying desperately to find a job with no luck… A family who can barely afford to put food on their table… A person who was never blessed enough to receive the education you did to have the job that you do. Oh, and the posts stating, “We had a horrible waiter at dinner tonight. We didn’t even leave him a tip!” Don’t we realize what we are portraying to the world? That because we were not happy with the service that we received at a place where most of the world can’t even afford to go, we are going to be bitter and mean. How do we know that the waiter did not have one of the hardest days of his life? Do we even stop to think that maybe if we would have shown him grace and patience, maybe he could have seen a glimpse if Christ in us? There are many more examples that I could continue to talk about.
As Christians it is our duty to have empathy for the world around us. We live in a dark, dark world that is searching… searching for something better. And we have the answer, yet we are too busy complaining about what we don’t have to see their needs. I think we tend to overlook the titanic effect that our words can have on people who know that we are Christians. If I was a non-believer and I read some of the things that my Christian friends write on Facebook, I would definitely not want what they had. If that is how Jesus makes you feel, then I don’t want anything to do with Him. You see, we claim a God that saves! We claim that we have a joy that surpasses all others. Yet, we are posting miserable posts on Facebook and we are wondering why God is not bringing people to the feet of Christ through us… why He is not blessing us with being able to see exciting changes for His kingdom.
My dear brothers and sisters in Christ, please think before you post. Is your post pleasing to God or to satan? Who will get the glory from what you type? As a child of God, I will choose to rejoice and be glad in it!
Well, our sweet journey continues. If you have been following our story you know that after a failed transfer, we have chosen to go forward with another. I have been doing my injections for a few weeks now and we had our first pre-transfer ultrasound yesterday with great results. I will start many more medications on Saturday and the transfer will be in 3 weeks! It’s hard to believe that it’s almost time again!
This time around is a little different than the last. Although we are all excited, it has been bittersweet. It was pretty much devastating when we found out that the first transfer failed. We had such child-like faith and we just knew that it was going to be successful. Words cannot express how I wanted to be with Lisa… Just to hug her and be there for her. Being so far apart really stinks sometimes. We are still holding on to our faith, but I think we have put a few walls up trying to prevent the same hurt from coming back if this transfer turns out like the prior one did.
You know, God has amazing timing and so I know that it’s no coincidence that I am doing a Beth Moore study with a lady’s group in my church. The study started a week after finding out that the transfer had failed. Lisa and I have been talking about how this study seems to be written just for our circumstance. I have been sending Lisa some of the lessons and it’s amazing how God has chosen to speak to us through someone who has no idea who we are… No idea of our circumstance… And no idea how much we have needed to hear these words.
One of my favorite lessons is called, “On the Contrary”. The key verse is 1 Thessalonians 2:2. It says:
“On the contrary, after we had previously suffered, and we were treated outrageously in Philippi, as you know, we were emboldened by our God to speak the gospel of a God to you in spite of great opposition.”
These verses are about when Paul and Silas had traveled to Philippi to preach the gospel. In Philippi they were beaten severely and were thrown in prison. Needless to say, they were not welcome and we tend to think that their plan had definitely failed! If I were Paul or Silas, I would have promised to never return. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Once bitten, twice shy?” In this lesson Beth Moore wrote, “Instead of once bitten, twice shy; Paul and Silas were once beaten, twice bold.” They chose not to let a failed mission define them… They chose to get up and try again… They looked at their failed attempt as a blessing.
Wow! My prayer the day I completed this lesson was, “Lord, make my heart feel this way! Make me like Paul and Silas! I want to be once beaten, twice bold!” I don’t want to be driven by my failures, but FOR His glory!
Beth Moore also wrote, “Satan loves to fuel our feelings of failure. Just when we finally muster the courage to act or to take a stand for the gospel, he prompts us to believe we blew it. Our feelings of failure can start an ongoing cycle of inadequacy: if we feel like failures, we’ll act like failures and, if we let the condemnation go unchecked, we’ll make our next decision out of the same perceived defeat. And the wheels on the bus go round and round.”
Paul had the amazing perspective to say, “You know that our visit to you was not a failure.” in 1 Thessalonians 2:1. Oh, what an amazing heart he had! What courage and strength! Their visit there had produced fruit… Not fun… But fruit! I pray that our journey is producing fruit. My heart’s prayer is that our “failed” transfer has turned someone’s heart to our Savior!
Beth also mentioned that Satan just loves to make wound-lickers out of warriors. He loves when we are too busy licking our wounds to worry about the world around us. “When God opens the door again, let’s stand back up, brush ourselves off, and step through it.” That’s what Lisa, JJ, Justin, and I are choosing to do! We have gotten back up, we have brushed ourselves off, and we are choosing to trust our Lord to lead us through the door! Please continue to pray for us. If you have been following our story, you know that this is Lisa and JJ’s last embryo. Pray that this sweet embryo is a fighter. Pray that my body will nurture and grow this amazing life. Pray that the embryo will stick, be healthy, and grow into a beautiful world changer! We may have been once beaten, but we are choosing to be twice bold! We are choosing to be warriors instead of wound lickers!
Ouch… My heart is hurting so. This week has been scary but hopeful, heartbreaking but joyful, disappointing but satisfying, and devastating but blessed.
Almost 2 weeks ago, we transferred 2 of Lisa and JJ ‘s sweet embryos. If you have read any of Lisa’s, Justin’s, or my blogs you know that we have been praying so hard for so long for that very day. We have prayed countless times for those 2 precious embryos. We have felt God ‘s hand in every step that had gotten us to that day. We knew without a doubt that this was where God was leading us. He has been so evident in this journey, reaffirming to me over and over that this was His will for me.
His plan for me was to be a gestational carrier for this amazing couple. There was not a doubt in my mind from the day that Justin and I read Lisa’s blog. I have never been so sure about anything in my life. God just gave me my direction, I followed, and He provided peace for me.
Many friends and family have asked me questions that could have been hard to answer. “Are you sure you want to do this?”… “Don’t you know that you could die?”… “You have a hard reality coming to you… Thinking that you will not get attached to those babies!” I’ve heard a lot of doubt from some people who really care for me. I know and understand that they tell me these things because they love me. Those questions may seem hard to answer, but they aren’t. God has given me the answers, He has not allowed any room for doubt in my mind, and He’s blessed me with such joy and excitement for this journey. I didn’t feel that my hope could ever have been shaken… Until this week.
Last week I began taking home pregnancy tests. On Tuesday, it was a negative. On Wednesday, we got a faint line! I also took a digital pregnancy test at lunch that said YES+! One of my dear friends from work and I Facetimed Lisa to show her the digital test. It was such an unexplainable moment to be able to share with Lisa. The look on her face changed my life forever!
This past Monday we had the first lab done to check the level of HCG in my blood. Monday morning we got a call that my level was only at a 9.9. Our nurse stated that anything over 50 is considered great. She stated that there was a chance that it could go up, but not likely. A chance? A chance? That’s all we needed to hear! Of course, we were all truly upset that the levels were not ideal, but we knew there was still hope.
After all, the One who provides hope has been who had led us to this place. He’s the God of miracles and that’s what we began to pray for. We began to ask our family, friends, and church members to pray… Pray for a miracle! I just knew that He was going to show up in a big way and perform a miracle! I just knew that there is power in prayer and we had 100’s of people praying!
On Wednesday we went back in for the second blood test. I had seen the very same woman who drew my blood every time I went in for bloodwork. (We had bloodwork done multiple times prior to the transfer too). We had always had “small talk” every time I went to see her. This morning was different. I asked her if she was a Christian and without hesitation she said, “Yes.” I asked her if she would mind if we prayed. She closed the door, held my hands, and she prayed for us! Wow! I told her that she had no idea how much that meant to me. We hugged each other and then I walked out to my car. I sat in my car in tears praying and begging God to create life in me. I knew how important this was to Lisa and JJ… I knew how their hearts would be broken if He didn’t do what I begged Him for.
My heart was telling me that He was going to come through. But, He didn’t come through the way we wanted Him to. At 1:15 I received a phone call from our nurse stating that my level was down to a 5. At a 5, the pregnancy is considered unsuccessful.
What?!?!?! No!!!! This was not what we were praying for!!!!! Why?!?!?! Why would He decide that this was His plan?!?!?! Why would He lead us here and drop His part of this journey?!?!?! Why would He allow us to have a positive pregnancy test just to crash our joy?!?! There were so many questions! I’ll be honest when I tell you that I was just plain mad! It made no sense to me. If you know me at all, you know that I like when things make sense.. I want things “the way they’re supposed to be.” Lisa and JJ are my friends and I don’t like when someone messes with my friends. I felt like that was what He was doing. It just seemed so cruel.
But, on Wednesday that is how it was supposed to be. That day is a day that none if us will ever forget, but it was a very important day in His plan. He wasn’t messing with Lisa and JJ… He was loving them. He was taking care of them and providing for them. We really don’t understand the why’s of all of this, but we just trust Him. We may not know what He’s doing, but we know who He is!
We are so blessed to have another chance at this! We are preparing and praying for our next attempt. Please continue to pray for Lisa, JJ, the embryo, Justin, and I. You see, God sees the big picture while we just see the here and now. One day His PERFECT plan will all make sense. We are clinging to His promises to us. HE IS ABLE, more than capable to be faithful until the end. He’ll finish what He started!
Well, today was the big day… Today was the transfer day. At 1 pm, 2 sweet little embryos were transferred into my uterus. We are all so excited and we cannot believe that this day has finally and really happened. Lisa, JJ, Justin, and I have been preparing and praying for this day for months now. And, it finally arrived… And what an amazing day it was!
The doctors gave Lisa and JJ a picture of both of them!
They said that the embryos did really well through the thawing process and that the transfer went really well… Just a few of the many things that we have been praying for! Seconds before the transfer, we all looked at the embryos again and one had already began hatching… Which is a really good thing. So now, we just wait… We wait and we pray… We pray and we wait.
This morning I had posted that today was our transfer day on one of my surrogacy support group’s Facebook pages. Everyone was so sweet and encouraging. Many if them posted things like, “sending sticky vibes your way!” and “thinking sticky thoughts!”
Before I had started thinking about becoming a surrogate, I would have never understood what that meant. It is a form of encouragement hoping that the embryos will “stick” (implant) to your uterus.
Also, at the doctor’s office today, minutes before the transfer, the reproductive endocrinologist came and spoke to us. He’s the guy that was in charge of thawing the embryos. He showed us the picture of the embryos and he began to explain to us the quality of each one. Then, he began to throw out all of these numbers, percentages, and statistics of the chances of success, twins, etc.
Lisa, Justin, and I listened politely to all he had to say. But, you see… Our day was based on so much more than statistics or things found in medical books. Our day and the success of this process is based on Someone much bigger and better than any statistics. He is stronger than any embryo quality. He is wiser than any doctor. And, He is greater than any given percentage.
For many months now, we have had countless people praying for us and this process. (Y’all have no idea how much your prayers have meant to us.) Please continue to pray for these sweet little “jelly beans”. Pray that they will grow into strong and healthy babies. Pray that our journey will bring glory to the One and only Creator.
Who needs “sticky thoughts” when you have God on your side?
Yes, that’s right… The transfer is less than a week away! Lisa, JJ, Justin, and I have been counting down for quite sometime now. It’s hard to believe that it’s almost here.
I have been taking all of my medications and vitamins. I’ve been applying all of my patches. (And by all, I mean a whole lot of estrogen patches! Lol!) I’ve been doing all of my injections too. This past Thursday I had my last ultrasound appointment before the transfer. My lining is “just perfect” as the nurse told Lisa, which means that my body is ready for the transfer!
With the transfer less than a week away, I am realizing how truly blessed I am to be able to be a part of this journey.
You see, I am a wretched sinner who is very unworthy to help God with anything in anyway. I sin everyday, all the time. I fail over and over and over. Still, when I am drowning in all of my sin and unworthiness, He saves me from myself. He has chosen me to help with His plan. Wow! The perfect and powerful Creator has allowed me to be a part of such an amazing and meaningful journey.
It’s so easy for us just to count ourselves out of God’s purpose and plan for our life because of our guilt and shame. Sometimes we allow it to hold us back from some really amazing things. We allow the devil to tell us how unworthy we are, how ridiculous it would be for such a sinner to think that we could actually add to God’s plan! We have to remember whose voice that is!
Here are some lyrics from a great MercyMe song:
Remember you’re forgiven
So there’s no need to give in
To the lie
that you’re disqualified
Our God is able, more than capable
To be faithful to the end
We tend to disqualify ourselves before the journey even begins! But remember that we are FORGIVEN… We are FREE… And if we let Him use us, we can be so useful in God’s plan!
Lisa sent this to me the day of my ultrasound:
I really needed to hear that on Thursday. I was a little nervous that maybe my body was not reacting to all of the medications like it was supposed to. I heard this voice telling me that maybe God had for some reason changed His mind. Maybe He realized that I was not cut out for this job. It never ceases to amaze me how God uses others in my life to speak to me. Lisa had no idea that I was feeling that way… But God used her to tell me exactly what He wanted me to hear. He had already called me to do this. He chose me to be blessed enough to meet Lisa and JJ. He chose me to help them and He would not change His mind!
Brothers and sisters, please hold onto the promise that we are forgiven, we are chosen, we are worthy because of Jesus, and that we should disqualify ourselves from nothing when it comes to God’s plan and purpose! Nothing is too big for us to handle with the God of angel armies by our side!
Please continue to pray for our journey. All of us know that it takes very good and knowledgable doctors and nurses for this to successfully happen but, Lisa, JJ, Justin, and I tightly hold onto the promise that God is the Creator of all life. It is He that will add to Lisa and JJ’s family. We will definitely keep everyone updated as more of our amazing journey unfolds!